Protection

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Co 13:7

Truth does hurt. Should we therefore keep it from our loved ones to avoid hurting them? “A truthful word is unpleasant to the ears; good medicine is bitter to the taste.” Truth always brings healing, yet we sometimes are afraid to apply it to our loved ones for fear of hurting them.

A lover’s instinct is to protect and to shield their beloved from sorrow and pain. This is quite a natural thing to do, but knowing when to do so takes great wisdom. We may actually hurt our beloved in the name of protecting them.

My heart was filled with apprehension when Michael told me that he had decided to hike the Appalachian Trail by himself during the break between medical school graduation and residency. My fatherly instinct was to keep him from going, but knowing how stubborn he was, I suggested that I take the trip with him. Fortunately he turned me down, because the protector might easily have turned into a liability for him. I wanted to be protective of my son, but I may be the one who needs to be protected from the onslaught of my own fear.

Fear of loss causes us to become fearless protectors. Being protective of our beloved is a plausible thing, but it is still a form of self-love. We protect our beloved to protect ourselves from suffering the pain of loss. Protection should be done for our beloved’s sake, not for our own sake. Being a grownup, Michael should be able to make his own decisions without his father’s interference. In fact, what I was trying to avoid was the anxiety that I would have to suffer during the time of his hiking trip. I was in fact trying to protect myself in the name of love.

Letting go may just be the best thing we can do to protect our children. The tighter we hold onto them, the weaker they will become and, if we continue to do so, we may greatly lessen their ability to protect themselves and they will be afflicted with insecurity and fear their entire life. Projecting our fear onto our children by being fearful is one the worst things we do to our children, yet many of us do it routinely.

My friend Bill was a fearless man and the way he raised his children was pretty fearless. As far as I know, his two children turned out to be well-rounded persons and one of them is a West Point graduate. Bill was many things I wanted to be and was unable to achieve, for I was a fearful man as far as childrearing was concerned.

Let us be protective of our beloved at all times, but we have to realize that protection often means more of letting go than holding onto our beloved.