Formality and Affection

“Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most.” I Sam 29:41

David bowed down before his friend three times, with his face to the ground, after he found out what Jonathan had done for him. There was no reason for David to be so formal in his expression of gratitude to his friend; it was nonetheless necessary for him to do, considering Jonathan was still the son of Saul, and was the next in line to the throne.

Formality is necessary in all relationships, which is something we often neglect. Politeness is needed even if it’s not necessary. We Chinese often commend couples that treat each other with respect by telling them that they honor their spouses as if they were guests (相敬如賓.)

Don’t we sometimes treat our guests a lot better than we do our spouses? I am afraid so. I believe many marital problems can be avoided if we treat our spouses as if they are our honored guests. There is definitely a place for formality and decorum in all our intimate relationships.

What David did could have embarrassed Jonathan since he didn’t expect a gesture like that, but he appreciated it just the same and they were able to be more spontaneous in their expression of love to each other after all the formalities were out of the way. Formality is something that makes affection possible. Form and content are equally important in all relationships, for form defines a clear boundary for any given relationship by which unbridled affection should abide.

Even though they kissed each other and wept uncontrollably, what they were doing was still within the boundary of decorum since it was acceptable for male friends to do so during that age and no one would mistake male affection for something other than just that. It was common for Chinese girls to hold hands in public in my time and no one would have done a double take, but I rarely see that these days, which is a shame since we seem to have lost the freedom of showing affection to our friends physically.

Pure friendship among males seems to have become a lost art and we are a lot worse off without it. The form of this particular kind of love has become so vague that we abandon the precious content altogether for fear of being misunderstood or misconstrued. We can hardly keep ourselves from making a verdict when we see two men holding hands or kissing each other in public, can we?

A true friend who can find?

Perhaps we should restore the form of friendship before we can truly appreciate the content. There was not any pretence and constraint in David and Jonathan’s friendship, yet they did have formality and spontaneity. They were free to express their love and affection for each other and no one would be appalled by their lavishness in showing their love for another male or consider it weird. When the form is clearly defined, we can be liberal in storing up the contents.

Music

“He will play when the evil spirit from God comes on you, and you will feel better.” I Sam 16:16

“When I sit in the dark all alone, a single note beautifully played does bring comfort to my heart,” said one renowned musician.

I don’t know music, but I do appreciate music and know it does a lot of things, including healing.

Playing music to a plant can even enhance its growth. Is it really so? I have my doubts, but experiments have been done and might have proved me wrong.

Being a young Bohemian, I pretended to like classical music and often went to classical music concerts with my friends, but I remember getting quite impatient listening to Beethoven and couldn’t wait for it to end.

I have passed the age of trying to do things to impress people, so I can truly say that I listen to music for the sake of listening and do get some pleasure out of it. But the joy of listening is often short-lived, since I know very little music and I can’t always keep the beat when I sing. I do have a reasonably good baritone voice, yet it’s not refined for lack of proper training.

How did this verse bring up such an outburst of thought and emotion within me? I have no idea. I guess music and I have never gotten along, just like math and I have never been friends, and any attempts to reconcile the two in the past have always ended in dismal failures.

Was it the music David played that soothed Saul’s aching heart when he was afflicted by a demonic spirit, or was it really the musician that made the difference? I believe it was the musician that did the magic.

Many people in Israel could probably play the lyre equally well, but only David had the power in his fingers to cast out demons from the king and bring peace to his soul.

Many people can play music, but only a few special ones can cause music to do something magical and unique. It took a man after God’s own heart to play the lyre to cast out demons and bring healing to Saul.

Artists must have hearts. Only a few exceptional ones can make the vital connection between their art and their audience’s hearts when they perform. When music speaks, it primarily speaks to the listeners’ hearts.

David's heart was filled to the brim with the love of God; therefore he was able to cast out demons with his music. I guess this is way too much to ask musicians to do nowadays. I believe an artist’ primary responsibility is to build a bridge that connects time with eternity, physics with metaphysics, and enables laymen to travel across the known to the unknown, the concrete to the abstract, which is the point when healing takes places and life happens.