Hypocrisy and Courtesy

I suppressed my true feelings toward a person and made a valiant attempt to show affection to him, even though I had very few feelings of goodwill for the man. Does that make me a hypocrite? That is the question that I have asked myself repeatedly. If that is so, then the random incident that took place was just a reminder that I should have been true to my feelings and avoided the one against whom I still hold a certain amount of animosity.

I was merely trying to do the right thing, yet what I received from it was another insult that left a mark in my heart and an unpleasant taste in my mouth. Doing the right thing may not always be right, for people may not be appreciative when we cast a grain of rice before them.

Had I been placed in his position, I would have acted as if nothing had happened and would have tried not to call attention to the thing that caused both of us embarrassment. It would have been unpleasant to go through something such as that and, at the same time, be greeted so warmly by someone whom I still considered one of my enemies, but that is something we do routinely in order to survive in a society, with its intricate web of human relationships. Being courteous is to deny our ill feeling toward certain people and to treat them according to the standards of social norms. Does it make us hypocrites if our words and actions aren’t consistent with our feelings?

Had I been trying to be true to myself, I would have avoided going to the gathering all together or at least kept myself away from him. The problem was that I am not my own master.

Doing the right thing itself is its own reward, I suppose. Although the outcome of my action appeared to have made me a hypocrite and caused my adversary to become discourteous, I don’t believe the unfortunate incident made our relationship worse. Perhaps he at least came to the realization that I had made an awkward attempt to be friendly and, possibly, it might have even caused him dislike me less.