Saying Good-byes

None of us is all that good at saying good-byes, yet it’s such a big part of our lives and we can hardly avoid it. Keats wrote in a letter to a friend while he was trying to cure his consumption by absorbing the Roman sunshine,“I can hardly bid you good bye even in a letter. I always made an awkward bow.”

Asians may all look alike and perhaps one can hardly tell them apart, but I am no Japanese who seems to bow at all occasions, especially bidding one another farewell. I only wave and walk away to reduce the pain of separating from my loved ones. I think my dad was the same way when he saw me off so many times while he was still alive. I think he said his good-byes to his elder son so abruptly to avoid becoming too emotional and making the separation so much more gut-wrenching. He came to the bus stop to say good-bye to us for a brief moment and then rode away in his bicycle when Kathy and I were visiting a couple of years ago. That was the last good-bye he said to me.

Saying long good byes merely prolongs the agony of separation. I prefer to wave and walk away. Shedding tears over good-byes only deepens the pain and makes us drown in our sorrows. So I choose to smile and start counting the days before we meet again.

As I anticipate bidding farewell to both my son and wife in the coming days with apprehension, I suppose I am merely trying to figure out the best strategy to say good-bye to them with the minimum amount of pain. I guess I will just give them an awkward hug and turn my back to them to hide the tears in my eyes and walk away. No matter how you slice it, there isn’t really a good way to say good-byes.